Home Fiction Humor Essays Books

The season's greetings

A very brief Ramblin' Gamblin' Willie Christmas story

"Merry Christmas!" said the Perky Little Clerk to the Misanthrope as she handed him his purchase.

"I'm not a Christian," the Misanthrope growled.

"Well then, Happy Chanukah!"

"Chanukah's over. Besides, I'm not Jewish."

"Happy Kwanzaa?"

"Do I look black to you?"

"Merry Ramadan?" she asked, her perkiness flagging. "Happy Ramadan? I don't know how to say it."

"Ramadan is over, too. And I'm not a Muslim. And besides, Ramadan is not about happiness."

"Happy holidays...?"

"Yeah. Right."

"Well," the Formerly Perky Little Clerk muttered, "why don't you just go to hell, then."

"Been there," the Misanthrope snarled. "Done that."

"Fine!" she barked.

"Fine!" he barked back.

And that would have been that, except that her perkiness was truly irrepressible. As the Misanthrope stomped out of the store, the Perky Little Clerk called after him:

"Merry Christmas!"

Home Fiction Humor Essays Books