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Willie's FREE! guide to netspeakA Ramblin' Gamblin' Willie story by Greg Swann |
Internet mail is awash in N-letter abbreviations (NLAs), and sometimes
merely looking at them makes my eyes glaze over (MEGO). I'm sure the
same is true for you, so you'll be glad to know that, like our
president, I feel your pain with both hands (IFYPWBH). That's why I've
prepared this compendium of netspeak. I worked these out from context,
so I don't guarantee they're 100% accurate, but what the hey--they're
FREE! (WTH-TF!) And as every netspeaker of abbreviations knows,
information doesn't want to be accurate, information wants to be FREE!
(IWTBF!) So: with that: herewith: to wit and accordingly: Willie's
FREE! guide to netspeak: AFAIK: Acting Fatuously As if I Know (my experience is negligible, my advice is useless and I'm so glad you asked) AKA: Already Killed Already: an admonition to fanatical cancelbots AOL: Accident Of Love (literally a birth-defect; metaphorically refers to a clueless newbie; may recover, probably won't) CIS: Customer Implosion Syndrome, a form of price competition that induces customers to disappear CU: Columbia University CUL8R: Alumnus of Columbia University FAQ: The plaintive cry of the Peruvian FAQ Bird FIFO: Last LIFO: Last FUBAR: Found Under Bed After Reception (a promotion and a raise) FYI: Fifty Year Interval, the mean time between non-failures of a typically astute AOL user (TA-AOL-U) <G>: Grimacing <GG>: Glaring and Grimacing <GGG>: Suing for emotional damages GIGO: Obscure Italian cult film featuring a transsexual ingenue GRD&W: A Denver & Rio Grande Western railroad train has derailed HTML: Hurts To Make Love (I have a sexually transmitted disease) IAC: Incurably, Amiably Clueless (AOL user) IHTFP: I Have Time For Parcheesi (typically sophisticated come-on line (TSCOL)) IMO: I aM Overweight IMHO: I aM Horrendously Overweight IMNSHO: I aM Neurotic, Schizophrenic and Horrendously Overweight IOU: I have no intention of paying back the money I borrowed from you IOW: I have no intention of paying back the money I borrowed from either of you IWTBF!: Information Wants To Be FREE! (rationalization, often flaming, for theft or substandard quality; first attributed to Stewart Brand, whose information wants to be paid for) LOL: Lay Off Lolita, an admonition to net.pedophiles NFG: Made with pride by Microsoft OT1H: Only Types with 1 Hand--a CIS user OTOH: Only Types withOut Hands--an AOL user PITA: A mutant tortilla from the Middle East reputed to have unnatural congress with lamb; probably mythical, since there is no such thing as a lamb burrito ROFL: Regular Ordered Flame Language (ANSI-certified profanity) ROTFL: Regular Ordered Tyrannical Flame Language (ANSI-certified profanity with Bell Labs extensions, also known as ROFL++) ROTFLMAO: Regular Ordered Tyrannical Flame Language with Microsoft Amended Objects (Windows NT) RSN: Never RTFM: The Right To Flame Mercilessly, guaranteed under Article 0967.21 of the net.constitution TPTB: To Proud To Beg, a form of self-insurance from RTFM SNAFU: Started Normal, Afterward Fully Unreadable (parsed by one of many easy-to-use UNIX text-processing tools) TA-AOL-U: Typically Astute AOL User (nobody) TANJ: Tangerine Actually has No "J" TANSTAAFL: Turn $5 into $50,000 in 30 days, GUARANTEED! TGIF: Truly Gifted Index Finger (describes a smart CIS user) TIA: Typically Incomprehensible Abbreviation TSCOL: Typically Sophisticated Come-On Line (ham-handed dweebspeak) TTFN: Totally Tyrannical Flame Net (the alt.flame hierarchy) TTYL: Totally Tyrannical Years Later (I have become comfortably numb) URL: UnReadable Language WRT: Wednesday Replaces Tuesday, a commonly used algorithm for effecting deadline slippage BTW: Better Thursday than Wednesday, a deadline slippage algorithm also known as WRT++ FWIW: First Wednesday In Weeks, a temporary respite from BTW deadline slippage WYSIWYG: When You're Sure It's Wrong, You Grimace YMMV: Your Mate May Vituperate (computer widow(er) syndrome) |
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