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Netophilia Part I: Cruising Usenet with The Grand InquisitorA Ramblin' Gamblin' Willie story by Greg Swann
I think pedophiles (and militias) are to the Internet as Moammar Khadafy and Saddam Hussein are to foreign policy--electrifying scapegoats so revolting they justify any "retaliation".
Incidentally, there is also a newsgroup called alt.binaries.pictures.erotic.senior-citizens, which strikes me as a fetish with a future in an aging America.
It certainly makes me feel like throwing a spanner in the works. For example, I think maybe I should go to alt.config and create alt.sex.netophilia, a newsgroup devoted to the discussion of the irresistable compulsion to have unnatural congress with immature Internet Service Providers. "AWK!" she SED. "AWK! Oh, dear god! AWK! PERL! AWK...!"
The irony of all this, of course, is that if you are prosecuted for looking at the wrong picture or having the wrong fantasy or saying the wrong thing, you will be thrown into prison and you will be brutally raped on a daily basis. Physically raped--not in words, not in fantasies, not in pictures--physically, bodily raped.
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Here's a hot little briquette of flame bait: I don't believe there are
pedophiles on the Internet. Oh, I'm sure there are a few, but only a few.
The simple fact is that while the net seems ubiquitous to us, we represent
a very tiny slice of the population. Even if pedophiles are represented in
proportion to their numbers in the society at large, that still makes for
a tiny number on line. I have a mental image of four wizened old men
suffering nervous exhaustion trying to keep up with all the mayhem
attributed to them. I think pedophiles (and militias) are to the Internet as Moammar Khadafy and Saddam Hussein are to foreign policy--electrifying scapegoats so revolting they justify any "retaliation". It seems very clear to me that the objective of the feds and their hand-maidens at the state and county level is to censor the Internet, and the pedophiles--real or invented--are the thin edge of the wedge. As abhorrent as sexual predation is, this is not the enemy the nanny state seeks to purge. The enemy is you, the threat you present to actually engage in the free speech promised in the Constitution. Wow, that's deep. Anyway, I happen to be thinking about this right now because a TV reporter I wrote about a long time ago asked me "cover" him as he pursues a story on net.pedophilia. Only TV reporters think that the process of manufacturing news is itself news, but Uncle Willie can be counted upon to follow absurdity wherever it might lead. And: in contrast to normal policy, I actually did some research. For example, I should think it would have to be a very special kind of idiot who would stumble into the Usenet newsgroup called alt.binaries.pictures.boys. It seems impossible that net.pedophiles are so frenzied in their pursuit of salacious thrills that they would be blinded to this obvious trap, but one never knows... Right next door is a newsgroup called alt.binaries.pictures.boys.barefoot and I have a frenzied yearning to carry myself to alt.config and create alt.binaries.pictures.boys.barefoot.with.cheek. At a minimum, this would provide a measure of literary enrichment for frenzied pedophiles and frenzied prosecutors. Surely there are more prosecutors of pedophila on line than pedophiles. Want proof? Consider these additional obvious entrapment zones:
alt.binaries.pictures.child.erotica.male
Only tax-funded bureaucrats could be this redundant. Incidentally, there is also a newsgroup called alt.binaries.pictures.erotic.senior-citizens, which strikes me as a fetish with a future in an aging America. And: there is a newsgroup named alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.disney, which may, perhaps, exist to provide frenzied thrills to children rather than with them. The newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.gymnast-girls lends credence to what everyone has always suspected, that televised gymnastics is a form of kiddie porn. And I presume that alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.lolita is not devoted to discussion of the works of Nabakov, more's the pity. If any frenzied pedophile has so far managed to escape entrapment, he or she should rush right over to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.pre-teen, where there's free coffee, free donuts and free handcuffs--prosecutors having kinks of their own. Still not entrapped? Take thee at once to:
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.schoolgirls
If you're expecting this to end soon, don't. This stuff goes on forever. Here are a couple of newsgroups that actually might not be police traps: alt.binaries.pictures.teen-idols and alt.binaries.pictures.teen-starlets. Teen idols and teen starlets need not be teenagers, of course. But if the pedophilia censors have their way, that won't matter. Under proposed federal anti-pedophilia legislation, you could be prosecuted for "kiddie porn" if a photo presents a consenting adult as though he or she is underage. You could be prosecuted for a drawing of an underage object of fantasy. Understand this: these moral idiots would prosecute you for "exploiting" an imaginary child. And while the hypothetical pedophiles and their all too real prosecutorial persecutors might seem to be deeply in love with erotic pictures, all good things must eventually come to an end. But fear not, for there are words enough to match the pictures. Usenet is a discussion medium, after all, so we have alt.pedophilia.announce, where presumably one would go to promote the upcoming Pedophilia Society Bake Sale. There is alt.pedophilia.boys and alt.pedophilia.girls. And just in case you have failed to sate your frenzied lust to go to jail for looking at taboo photos, there is alt.pedophilia.pictures. And there is alt.pedophilia.swaps, which makes me cringe in several directions at once. Time out for moral outrage: The simple truth is that pedophilia does exist. I wandered the streets of New York for a long time, and I saw it every night. The name for it there is prostitution and the smug, TV-coverage-craving prosecutors do nothing about it. In other parts of the world--and possibly in the United States--children are traded as chattel slaves, catamites. All over the world, children are sexually abused and very little is done to stop it. Obviously I endorse none of this. Obviously I abhor it deeply, perhaps more than most because I've seen more of it than most. But nothing that can happen over the Internet can be compared to child prostitution or white slavery or sexual abuse. It is not possible to have physical contact over the Internet. People can look at pictures we find revolting. They can talk about things we'd rather they didn't. They can even engage in inappropriate sexual conduct, but only in the form of cybersex. I would not think to excuse a pervert who has cybersex with a child, but it remains that cybersex is not sex. If it were, we'd all be choking on the post-coital cigarette smoke of a million swaggering Internet Relay Chat "studs". Yes, it's possible that underage children are being exploited to provide photos for all those alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.* newsgroups. I don't know for sure, first because I don't want to investigate and second because investigation would result in prosecutorial entrapment. But: the crime of sexual exploitation of children is the sexual exploitation of the children, not the promulgation of pictures on the Internet. In the same way, if some pervert takes physical advantage of a child he met on the Internet, this is not materially different from taking physical advantage of a child he met in his gym class or his Boy Scout troop. The crime is the rape of the child, not morally reprehensible but completely legal Internet communication. Wow, that's deep. Enough of that. But just when you thought it was safe to laugh again, we discover alt.sex.boys. Unsurprisingly, the alphabet being what it is, this listing comes long before alt.sex.girls. The American Association of University Women may wish to investigate this manifest injustice. There is also alt.sex.fetish.power-rangers.kimberly.tight-spandex, which argues that the Power Rangers may actually be the first TV show to be banned twice by the ever-more-sanctimonious nanny state, once for excessive comical violence and once for even more excessive comical kiddie porn. Post-modernism's finest hour: martyred camp. And we have alt.sex.pre-teens and alt.sex.teens and alt.sex.young and on and on and on. If there actuaully are any net.pedophiles, they must be pie-eyed from trying to monitor all these newsgroups. Imagine the frenzy of trying to download every dirty picture put up by a smug prosecutor, every bogus lonely letter put up by a reporter posing as a teenager. How could you possibly have the energy to victimize children if you spent all your time titillating yourself over the thrill of prosecutors and police and reporters and net.busybodies pretending to victimize children for your amusement? What a tangled web! It certainly makes me feel like throwing a spanner in the works. For example, I think maybe I should go to alt.config and create alt.sex.netophilia, a newsgroup devoted to the discussion of the irresistable compulsion to have unnatural congress with immature Internet Service Providers. "AWK!" she SED. "AWK! Oh, dear god! AWK! PERL! AWK...!" Or perhaps I should found alt.sex.net.ophelia, a newsgroup for frenzied but melancholy net.Danes. Ophelia was a fine little dish, after all, and we all know the fruits were but barely ripe on her fine little vines. If we can ban Kimberly the Power Ranger, why not aim for the Bard? Shakespeare, at least, is worth banning; he tells the truth baldly and beautifully. Crimes are actions, not thoughts. Uncle Willie apologizes for repeatedly tripping into the depths of depth, but this needs to be said. Crimes are deeds. Not words. Not pictures. Not fantasies. Not ideas. The irony of all this, of course, is that if you are prosecuted for looking at the wrong picture or having the wrong fantasy or saying the wrong thing, you will be thrown into prison and you will be brutally raped on a daily basis. Physically raped--not in words, not in fantasies, not in pictures--physically, bodily raped. The would-be prosecutors of net.pedophiles--real or invented--seek to punish taboo ideas with systematic if unintended torture. And so I think the newsgroup that most needs creating is this one: alt.sex.torquemada. If there actually are any net.pedophiles, they are sick, sick people. But not nearly as sick as their pursuers... |
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